


Moving On

by sxpphicly



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, also probs the only sanvers fic i'll write, also the mention of supercorp, bc they're obvs in love, i love my babies they'll always be together, kara is also in this but kinda briefly, kinda angsty i guess, maggie and lena brotp, then a happy ending, they become good friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 06:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12743343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxpphicly/pseuds/sxpphicly
Summary: The aftermath of Alex and Maggie's breakup from Maggie's perspective as she attempts to move on, but ultimately fails.





	Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo! So I wrote this whole thing in one sitting after 3x05 aired, so sorry if this is kind of a mess but I've been meaning to clear it from my writing list for a while now, and my babies deserve so much better.

It hurt. 

 

Every fibre of her being ached, it was unbearable and only curable with alcohol. Maggie groaned in frustration as the final drops of liquor hit her throat. 

 

Maggie grabbed her jacket to go to the bar, she realised she couldn’t, because it was no longer _her bar_. Maggie laughed, a bitter one, as she collapsed to the floor throwing the now empty bottle of bourbon across the room until it smashed. 

 

It felt good. 

 

There was no way she was going to that bar unless she explicitly knew Alex or any of her now former friends weren’t there. But then Maggie thought about if she could handle being in the same bar that held so many memories of Alex. 

 

Probably not, probably never, she laughed until it turned into uncontrollable sobs. _She was completely alone._ And there was nothing she could do about it. Alex was the only person she had felt like she had a home and family with. Knowing what that finally felt like, it was quite possibly the hardest thing to let go of. 

 

The realization hit her like a tonne of bricks, it was familiar though. Then she remembered why it was so familiar, she had already experienced this type of betrayal when she was 14, only this time it was by the only person she could truly trust with her life. 

 

Anger bubbled within her chest. She could get through the heartbreak, Maggie could handle that, it was the betrayal and the seemingly unwillingness to _try_ that got her the most. Why wasn’t she good enough, could she ever be good enough? 

 

A solid knock came from the door and a part of her hoped it was Alex, chuckling when she realised that was wishful thinking. None other than Lena Luthor was on the other side of the door, in jeans and a hoodie. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here, Luthor?” Maggie asked playfully, resting her head on the door. 

 

“What I’ve been told to say, ‘Kara sent me to check on you for Alex’.” Maggie nodded her head at that. “But truthfully? To see if you need a drinking buddy.” Lena smiled, holding a bottle of her favourite brand of bourbon. 

 

“Lena Luthor I think you quite possibly have just become my favourite fucking person to exist.”Maggie opened the door for her to walk in. 

 

“I see your night is going well.” Lena commented looking at the smashed glass, immediately searching for clean up supplies. 

 

“Absolutely smashing.” Giggling at the unintended pun. 

 

“Don’t take this gesture too lightly, I need to drink away some of my problems.” Lena mumbled throwing the larger chunks of glass into the trashcan, sweeping up the remains. 

 

“You and me both buddy. My fiancé just dumped me because I wasn’t good enough.” Maggie cracked open the bottle and filled a glass handing it to Lena, then filled her own. She laughed, clinking her glass with Lena’s before taking a long swig. 

 

“Kara told me about that. How are you dealing with it?” Lena sat on the couch, following Maggie.

 

“Like shit.” It was the truth at least. “Being rejected by your family is hard enough. But being rejected by the one love of your life?” Maggie made an explosion sound, drinking some more. “Why are you here anyway? I arrested you literally a couple of months ago.”

 

“Closer to a year I’d think now. And like I said you’ve just been through something horrible and I doubt you have anyone, am I wrong?” 

 

“So you pity me?” She ignored her question, knowing the answer. 

 

“Not at all. I need a drinking partner, but also I care about the wellbeing of said drinking partner.” Lena answered. 

 

“So you pity me?” Maggie asked again laughing, Lena joining in.

 

“No! Stop saying that. I’m a Luthor, I don’t pity anyone.” 

 

“Hey, just because I’ve been going through the ultimate heartbreak doesn’t mean I’m not up to date with the news. I saw what happened with Edge.”

 

Lena laughed bitterly. “Did you see the part when he tried to assassinate me and contaminate the city’s entire water supply at the same time because Kara and Sam worked out it was him that poisoned the children?”

 

“Wait what?” Maggie sat up putting her glass down. 

 

“Oh shit, you’re a cop. You’re just the person I need.” Lena turned wiggling her eyebrows. “I’ll have my assistant send over all the evidence Kara collected and Supergirl’s account of the incident, hopefully you can help me catch him.”

 

“Kara saved you again?” Maggie asked, freezing moments later noticing her slip up. How drunk was she?

 

Noticing Maggie’s terrified look Lena laughed. “Don’t worry, I know Kara is Supergirl. Just waiting for her to tell me.” 

 

“You know, you should really take it as a compliment.”

 

“I doubt it, I wouldn’t tell me either.” 

 

“She never directly told me. I figured it out and then suddenly she didn’t hide it from me after Alex mentioned it. And anyway I know Kara, hell I’ve screamed at her, disliked her and also helped her through a panic attack in a bank volt. Around you she doesn’t have to be Supergirl, she can just be Kara Danvers. She doesn’t have anyone like that in her life, with you she doesn’t have to worry about her Supergirl duties, she’s just herself.”

 

Lena nodded her head, Maggie immediately picking up on the blush tinting her cheeks. “And anyway, I see the way you look at her, and the way she looks at you. That shit is not what platonic friends do. Alex and I had a bet going to see who would make the first move.” Maggie finished the rest of her drink, wishing Alex was here for this. She missed the small moments where they'd tease Kara, Lena, Winn or James about their love lives, only to go home together hand in hand. 

 

“She has no idea how much I like her.” Lena’s hand came to rest on her cheek, tilting her head down. 

 

“No, you love her. I see straight through the bullshit.” Maggie commented. “She loves you too for what it’s worth.” Lena looked at her then, a breathless chuckle coming out of her lips before downing the rest of her drink. 

 

“What about Alex?” Lena asked changing the subject, she filled their glasses again, clinking before Maggie spoke. 

 

“What about her? She broke up with me. I’m not enough.” Maggie smiled sadly. 

 

“That’s not true. You just have different visions of your future together.” 

 

“Visions that aren’t going to change and are kind of important in the future of a relationship.” 

 

“And you're absolutely sure about that?” Lena tested.

 

“Yes. She wants kids and I don’t. It’s a pretty big thing.” 

 

Lena paused before she started to speak again. “All I’m saying is that why not try? Why not put everything you have into the slightest possibility of a happy ending with her? Yes, it’s not easy and the subject of kids could still prevail, and yes it could break you up again. But...why not try? If I had even the slightest chance at a happy ending with Kara I’d take it in a heartbeat over the notion that the relationship had a guaranteed expiry date.”

 

"You should tell Alex that."

"No you should. You really think she'll listen to me?" 

 

Maggie nodded, sipping her bourbon. “You have something special Maggie, don’t take that lightly. What’s the point in living if you don’t take risks and fight for what you have?” 

 

Maggie didn’t have a response, she was drunk, tired and broken. “I miss her so much.” Her voice broke at the last part crying hard. Lena put their drinks down and hugged her. It was nice, considering she had no one, no real friends anymore, they were all Alex’s friends. “I’ve fucked up the one good thing in my life because I don’t want kids.” 

 

Lena held her tighter, the soft fabric of her jacket feeling surprisingly good against her cheek. 

 

“So, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to cry some more, we’re going to finish this bottle, then you’re going to have an amazing sleep thanks to all this crying. Then you’re going to think long and hard about if you want to risk it all for Alex.”

 

She nodded her head, tears still streaming. “Fucking Danvers sisters.” Maggie cursed. 

 

“They’re the worst, right? Why are we the two chosen losers pawning over them?” Lena giggled, Maggie joining in. “I’m your friend now Maggie. Don’t forget that.”

 

“I think we may have something special if you’re still willing to be my friend after I forcefully arrested you in front of the girl you love.” Maggie mumbled remembering the look on Kara’s face, how she was prepared to physically fight her for Lena’s protection. They were so annoyingly in love, obvious to everyone but them. 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

Lena ended up staying over, she helped Maggie to her bed, then stole a pillow from the bed and a blanket before snuggling into the couch. It was nice, having someone look after you with no ulterior motives. It also prevented the inevitable breakdown she was probably going to have seeing as she had absolutely no friends. 

 

“Lena,” She mumbled as Lena threw the covers over her. “Thank you, truly.” 

 

The woman smiled, giving her a glass of water and aspirin to have. “Anytime.” 

 

* * *

 

Maggie woke the next morning to thumping at her door. She grumbled, making her way to it where Lena was standing. Again. 

 

“Good morning.” She greeted walking into the apartment. Maggie grumbled a response walking to get a glass of water. 

 

“I have bagels, vegan of course and coffee.” She put them on the counter, sitting down and watching Maggie. 

 

She downed an entire glass of water before reaching for her coffee and bagel. “Thank you.” 

 

“So, the plan of action for today. You’re going to take some time to yourself and think, then you’re coming to a boxing class with me tonight.” Lena was too enthusiastic for 10am.

 

They ate their bagels, then Lena left her alone in her new apartment. 

 

Immediately she thought of Alex, how she was doing. She loved her so much, all she wanted to know was if she was remembering to eat and if she was sleeping okay, she struggled to do both when she was stressed. Of course, Kara would be looking after her but did she stay over at night? Did she make sure Alex was really sleeping and eating? Not just pretending so Kara didn’t feel as guilty. 

 

_Fuck it_ , she thought. Just because they called off the wedding didn’t mean she still didn’t care about her. Maggie grabbed her phone and dialled, (having deleted her as a contact), her heart was pounding as it rang out.

 

It continued to ring, until Alex’s voicemail started. God, she probably looked like a pathetic asshole, Alex would probably go to the bar and tell them all how she had tried to call her. They’d laugh, Winn would roll his eyes and tell her to move on. 

 

Maggie almost laughed at the mere thought of how unbelievably shitty her life had gotten in this very moment. She literally, had nothing. She did still have her job, that she was kickass at, that was something. Climbing back into bed she took two sleeping tablets and knocked herself out, not wanting to deal with the sad reality that was now her life.

 

She woke at 5:36pm to her phone buzzing, immediately picking up assuming it was Alex in her half conscious, half unconscious attempt at waking up. 

 

“Hey babe,” she mumbled rolling back over onto her side. 

 

“Uh it’s Lena.” So definitely not Alex. 

 

“Oh hi, what’s up?” Maggie winced at the awkward turn the conversation had taken, despite it only being 3 seconds long. 

 

“Boxing class. You, me, a bunch of sweaty middle-aged women and some hunky gym instructor.” 

 

“Lena I don’t know if I-”

 

“Look I’ll be honest here, Kara and Alex went back home for the weekend and that rules out all my friends. Then I remembered that you're my friend. And friends do things together, like stupid fitness classes.”

 

Maggie was too focused on the fact that Kara and Alex had gone home to respond. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t answering? Maybe Eliza had taken her phone or something and-

 

“Maggie?” 

 

“Yeah sorry still waking up. Uh fine, when is it?” 

 

“7 tonight. I’ll pick you up around 6:45?” 

 

“Yeah that’s fine. See you then.” 

 

Maggie ended the call, her 7 hour long nap having confused the shit out of her bearings and grasp on time. 

 

She made a vegetable curry, watched Homeland and cried a little bit. Was this really what her life would become now that Alex wasn’t a part of it? Maggie definitely wasn’t putting off thinking about calling Alex to see if they could work through her shit. 

  
It became apparent immediately she wanted Alex in her life, and would do anything to get it back. But could she face the rejection again? The simple answer was fuck no, it would literally kill her. 

 

She made about returning their wedding shower gifts, cancelling the caterer and other services for the wedding. Alex said she’d do all of that but she felt bad leaving it all to her, despite Alex being the one who broke up with her. 

 

She still had 40 minutes to kill by the time she had done all of that before Lena would arrive, and somehow, she had ended up looking at a dog adoption website for stray dogs. Maybe a dog would be good for her, she needed something constant in her life for once that wasn’t her job. Checking her buildings rules on pets her phone buzzed. 

 

"Car is outside and waiting."

 

Maggie made her way downstairs, she needed to kick some ass. 

 

* * *

 

Three weeks later and Maggie was adopting a Bolognese puppy called Jax, who was found in a dumpster abandoned and whimpering, _you and me both kiddo_. Jax was possibly the cutest dog she’d ever seen, which yes, is completely biased, but she had him freshly groomed so he could finally see without his hair reducing his eyesight. With all the shots and checks done, a new collar, and a cute green bandana around his neck, Maggie drove him home.

 

She still hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to Alex. Maggie knew that if she really wanted to she could probably get into contact with Alex fairly easily, she was just scared and repressing every single one of her emotions. 

 

“Come on boy.” Maggie ushered him into the apartment, Jax sprinting around the room, excited by the new sounds and smells. This would be good for her, a new beginning. 

 

“Okay okay!” Maggie laughed as he jumped on and off the bed, she sat on it and watched him jump up and nibble on her hand. 

 

“Hey! No harsh biting.” She warned, he retreated before running back to Maggie’s bag and taking his new chew toy out. 

 

Again she thought about Alex, how they were going to adopt a dog after the wedding, Maggie yearned for Alex to be there with her and Jax. That was the other thing, Alex hadn’t contacted Maggie since the final goodbye. Immediately Maggie’s anxiety kicked in and presumed that she didn’t want to see her at all. So why should she ‘put everything on the line’ as Lena had said, when Alex herself didn’t want to see Maggie? Her brain was a mess, processing every possibility and outcome. 

 

She turned her attention back to Jax who continued to nibble on whatever his mouth could get hold of. 

 

This was a good idea. 

 

* * *

 

_It was not a good idea,_ Maggie’s immediate thought was as she walked into her apartment with Lena, finding a pair of her favourite boots completely torn apart, all of the toilet roll she owned also scattered around the space in fine little pieces. Jax was waiting in his bed, head on his paws. 

 

“Jax! Bad boy!” Maggie shouted going over to him and holding a piece of her shoe in her hand. “What is this?” She demanded. He was shaking, and tried to move away from Maggie. 

 

“Holy shit.” Lena gasped, there was paper everywhere. Maggie picked him up and put him in his cage. 

 

Fucking brilliant. Couldn’t one thing go well for her? She was having a hard week, a case at work was proving impossible to solve and on top of that, Maggie had started to notice children everywhere she went. She'd be walking Jax and see a mom with her child and her mind would fixate on the sight. Maggie was unable to differentiate if this was just because of the breakup, or if it was something else entirely. Were her opinions on children shifting? Part of her worried it was her brain trying to rewire itself in order to fit Alex's views but she wouldn't let anyone try to influence or change her like that, ever.   
  
It was weird, and Maggie couldn't stop it once she started. She began isolating herself from the world only really interacting with it when she had to, that being work and walking Jax. And, whenever Lena managed to get Maggie to go outside and open up. She was thankful for Lena. 

 

* * *

 

A month had passed, she still missed Alex every day. Jax was a nice addition to the household (minus the shoe incident), he usually took up all of Maggie’s free time. He also somehow picked up on every time Maggie was upset, and would snuggle into her chest and lick away the tears. 

 

She tried calling Alex again just wanting to hear the sound of her voice. To know she was okay and moving on. Maggie knew it was selfish, but it was literally killing her not knowing. She thought by now that they would have at least run into each other, but Alex had completely dropped off the map. Lena gave her updates, or the best she could find out considering Kara knew about their newfound friendship and didn’t want to make it any harder on either Alex or Maggie apparently. That was hard to believe.

 

But she woke up one Sunday morning, Jax whimpering because he wanted to go for a walk, and Maggie wasn’t immediately paralysed by the fact that she was no longer with the love of her life. Maybe she could move on from Alex, maybe it would all eventually be okay.

 

* * *

 

Three months passed and it was when she was on a walk through the park with Jax that it hit her that, no. She absolutely could not move on from Alex Danvers. 

 

There in the park, on a bleak Tuesday evening sat Alex and a woman she had never seen before, in civilian clothing sitting and laughing. How the hell did she not spot her sooner? Maggie’s steps faulted just the slightest amount before Alex’s gaze lifted towards her. 

 

Shit. 

 

_She was beautiful_. Fuck her mind for immediately going to that thought. Here Alex was, not two months after they called off their fucking wedding on a date with someone else. Did she really mean that little to Alex? 

 

Thank god she hadn’t gone to see Alex asking for another shot at their relationship, not only would it have been incredibly embarrassing but she physically couldn’t take Alex rejecting her for the second time. 

 

Maggie turned calling Jax, who upon seeing other people almost kept running towards them. She called him again, a warning laced in her voice, and this time he ran back towards Maggie who was already walking in the opposite direction. The panic in her chest was rising at an alarming rate, even Jax struggled to keep up with her pace. 

 

“Maggie!” Alex called, catching up to her. 

 

“You don’t have to do this,” Maggie span quickly, hands indicating to them. “I don’t need an explanation, you don’t owe me one.” Jax was jumping at Alex’s legs, Maggie ducked to pick him up swiftly with one hand tucking her hair behind her ear. God, she missed her so much. Every part of her. 

 

“Maggie you don’t understand, just please-” Her phone rang, work one Maggie recognised. 

 

“You should get it. And get back to that.” She forced a smile, blood boiling at the prospect of Alex already having moved on. Wanting her to, and seeing her do it were two completely different things. 

 

“I just, I have to get this.” Maggie was already walking before Alex could finish. 

 

She drank that night, a lot. 

 

* * *

 

Another month had passed since _the incident_ , as Lena liked to call it. She wasn’t sure how it had happened, but Maggie was good friends with Lena. It was refreshing having a friend that didn’t automatically pledge her loyalty solely to Alex. They actually had a lot more in common than she had ever imagined. 

 

They were both gay, both had extreme daddy issues, both vegan, had the same taste in music and in love with a Danvers sister. Lena was also a superb drinking buddy, who could easily keep up with her thanks to years of galas, balls and charity events. 

 

Not surprisingly however, was that Supergirl hadn’t been involved in any NCPD business since the breakup.

 

Which is why Maggie was taken back slightly when Kara touched down nearby the corpse of an alien she was crouched over. “Supergirl.” Maggie greeted, crossing her arms and turning back to the body.

 

“Agent Sawyer.” Kara struggled to look her directly in the eyes, instead scoping out the scene and fellow detectives on the case. She was just like her sister in an awkward situation, just plain uncomfortable. All wandering eyes and unnecessary hand movements. Maggie would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so dire. 

 

“We heard this case might be linked with the other deaths surrounding the underground drug ring?” 

 

“Define we.” Maggie asked tilting her head, standing to look at her. 

 

“You know who.” Kara tensed her jaw, standing taller now. Of course Alex sent Kara to inspect the scene instead of just coming herself. What right did she have to hide from Maggie? 

 

“Well you can tell Agent Danvers that if she wants access to the case information she’s going to have to come directly to the lead investigator, and with that being me I doubt she’ll do that.” Kara furrowed her brow then, visibly irritated by Maggie’s words.

 

“You know she’s taking this hard right? You’re not the only one struggling with this because I can assure you, you’re not.” Kara argued like she had any idea what Maggie was going through. She relied on heavy dosage sleeping tablets and alcohol just to get through the night. Lena had to force her to eat, not having the energy nor the care to do it herself.

 

“Actually, no I don’t Kara.” She walked closer to Kara, lowering her voice as her colleagues moved about around them, still keeping it cold and low. “Because she won’t answer my calls when all I want to know is if she’s okay and coping. But no, she doesn’t. I only get brief pieces of information from Lena. And on top of that, I find out she’s already seeing other people which I get, I have no right to be concerned about her love life anymore, but a little bit of decency would be nice considering how much pain I’m in, every moment of every day.” Her chin was trembling slightly, Kara’s eyes softened slightly.

  
The only other time Kara had seen her cry was when they were trying to find out where Alex was, it felt fitting somehow. 

 

“She isn’t seeing anyone Maggie.” 

 

“Then clearly you don’t know her as well as you think you do.” She ripped off her gloves and put them into a bag. “Forget it. I’ll have someone send over the case information to the DEO and I’d strongly prefer if you could have someone else contact me regarding any questions related to the crime. Goodbye Kara.” She stormed off, heart pounding and her throat aching with the need to cry.

 

Maggie wrapped up the crime scene as quickly as she could, unable to be around so many people in her current state. 

  
Fuck, she needed a drink. 

 

* * *

 

Maggie went to Lena’s that night, Stranger Things streaming and a bottle of wine already open. 

 

“Kara told me about what happened today.” Lena said aimlessly, sipping her wine. Jax was asleep next to her, he loved Lena’s apartment more than anything. He could sleep almost anywhere and Lena could throw his toy rabbit as far as she wanted down the long expanse of her corridors. 

 

“Yeah I kinda gave it to her today. Sorry about that.” Maggie kept her eyes on the screen.

 

“Why are you apologising?” Lena asked, pulling Jax onto her lap and wrapping him in a cashmere blanket way too expensive for just the dog to have. He was spoilt rotten by Lena. 

 

“Because it's Kara.” Maggie answered as if it were obvious. 

 

“I may have feelings for her, but she can also be a god damn idiot. I swear if Alex told Kara the President had upset her she’d storm into that Oval Office all guns blazing just because of Alex’s words alone. Their bond is ridiculously strong, and sometimes that reflects in how they react to certain situations. Kara shouldn’t have said what she did and you deserve an apology for that. But they’re so protective of one another, I’m sure Alex didn’t even ask Kara to go in her place. She probably just did it because she cares about Alex and didn’t want it to upset her.” Lena explained. 

 

“I guess. They’re truly the worst.” Maggie shook her head, Lena laughing. 

  
“Amen to that.” 

 

* * *

She left Lena’s at midnight, a sleeping Jax in her arms as he refused to walk home. All she could think about was the sweet potatoes she had in her refrigerator and making fries with them, then curling into bed with Jax. 

 

Stepping out of the elevator she put him on the floor, whistling for him to follow as she turned the corner to her apartment door, stopping dead in her tracks as there sat Alex Danvers leaning against her door, head in between her legs. 

 

“Alex?” She asked, completely dumbfounded. Jax bounced over jumping up to sniff and lick Alex’s face. 

 

Alex smiled for a split second mumbling a ‘Hi doggie’, at the sudden intrusion, standing up when she saw Maggie.

 

“Hi.” 

 

“What are you doing here.” It wasn’t a question, coming out cold. She had no idea how to react, she didn’t have the time to react. 

 

“I owe you an apology, can we just, can we talk for a minute? I have some things I need to say and I know I have no right coming here but I,” She fumbled about asking, Maggie trying not to roll her eyes, walking towards the door to unlock and hold it open for Alex. 

 

“Thanks.” Alex smiled tightly, taking in the surroundings. There were still boxes scattered, but at least she’d unpacked all of her clothes now. 

 

“Jax, bed.” She commanded, he eventually left Alex’s side and went to his bed. 

 

“You have a dog.” Alex commented, it was awkward, none of it felt right. But she knew how hard Alex found starting uncomfortable conversations. 

 

“I do. Thought it was a good step.” Maggie moved to the kitchen, holding a mug out in a silent question already mentally going through how Alex takes her coffee. 

 

“No, thanks.” Alex declined sitting down. She hated how in sync they still felt, despite it being nearly 3 months. Maggie went about making a cup of coffee and generally cleaning up to occupy her hands. 

 

“So, what is it Alex?” She asked Alex having fallen silent again. 

 

“I need to apologise.” Alex said. 

 

“Okay.” How was she supposed to explain to that the only reason she was shutting herself off like this was because she couldn’t face the ache in her chest at the loss of Alex in her life? 

 

“Maggie.” Alex sighed, ignoring her bluntness and patting the couch beside her. Part of her wanted to stay far away, knowing it was somewhat safer than being in such close proximity to her again after such a long time. 

 

She walked over to the couch and collapsed with a sigh, fiddling with her jacket sleeve suddenly filled with nervous energy. 

 

“I’m sorry for missing your calls. I just, I didn’t know how to talk to you without breaking down. Hell, I could barely mention you without breaking into fits of sobs. It was too difficult for me and I should’ve at least considered you were probably worried as much as I was about you.” Maggie nodded her head watching Alex closely. She looked exhausted, almost like a shell of herself. All she wanted to do was hold her, that’s all she was asking for. 

 

“Also I didn’t mean to send Kara directly to you. I mean, yes I was avoiding you for a while but this time I mentioned I needed to go out to see a case and that you would probably be there, and Kara being Kara she just…” Alex made a whooshing sound throwing her hand out. “And she’s going to apologise for what she said, believe me I wasn’t very happy finding out when she returned. So, I’m sorry for that. I’m sure you didn’t need it.” Maggie nodded again, she couldn’t speak, being this close to Alex was too much for her. 

 

“And finally, about that thing at the park,” She started. 

 

“Alex,” Maggie croaked. 

 

“No, it’s not what you think at all. I was on call, training a new field agent then you turned up.” 

 

“Oh.” She felt dumb, of course she made assumptions way too quickly without actually finding out what was happening. She should’ve known better, being a detective and all. 

  
“I know what it probably looked like, but ask J’onn, Kara, anyone they can tell you it was strictly work.”

 

“I believe you Alex, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have made assumptions.” Maggie smiled sadly. 

 

Alex nodded, “Well thank you for that,” It was awkward again, they were both looking down avoiding each other, wanting to say so much but not being able to. “Do you miss me?” Alex asked, mouth twitching, the tell tale sign she was close to crying. 

 

“Alex,” Maggie sighed. 

 

“No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have asked.”

 

“I miss you every day.” Maggie admitted, risking a glance at Alex, she was looking at her with so much vulnerability, all she wanted to do was cuddle her. 

 

“I still cry, most nights actually. Around this type of time.” Alex nodded, wiping at her eyes quickly. Maggie was fighting off her own tears now, gritting her teeth and looking up. It felt kind of good talking to the only other person in the world that would get it like she did. 

 

Her body ached to touch Alex, she really couldn't go on like this. Pretending she was okay and that she would eventually get over it when the reality was she's been struggling every single day. Jax came over then sitting on her lap, she was thankful for the distraction giving him a quick kiss and stroking behind his ear.

 

“I don’t think you realise how badly I miss you Alex.” Her eyes were glossy, she couldn’t blink unless she wanted to cry, tilting her head back down Jax sat up and started licking her face. Maggie giggled sadly before continuing. “There’s not a version of me that will ever stop loving you.” She shook her head, fuck it. She was going to throw it all out onto the table. “This breakup made me realise that I need you in my life Alex. I can't go on like this, it's not living it's just surviving and I need you."

 

“You don’t want kids Maggie.” Alex sighed, taking a tissue from the box on her coffee table and quickly swiping at her eyes. 

 

“You’re right. I don’t. Not right now at least. But I also don’t want to live my life if you’re not in it.” Maggie was fully crying now, she was sure she'd never cried this much before in her life. “Alex, I’m willing to give it all up for you. I want you, I want everything that comes with you. And if that includes children then I want to be there. I’m willing to grow and learn.” 

 

“It’s not that easy. You can't just change your mind like this Maggie. What if we ended up having children and you ended up resenting me for it? I couldn’t live with the guilt knowing that I pressured you into something so big.” Alex reasoned. 

 

“If anything, you’ve only just opened up the possibility of kids to me Alex. Before all of this, I had cut it out of my future, without any thought or any real look into if it was something I really wanted. I’m beginning to see things Alex. I see a mother and her baby in a coffee shop and something in me twinges, I can't explain it or expect you to understand without thinking I'm saying all of this for you but it's real." Maggie tried to convey. "I’m not suddenly saying I want kids or that I want them anytime soon, but I think about the prospect of it now. I can’t live my life without you in it. Life’s too short Alex, and I can’t, I can’t do it without you.” Maggie held Jax to her, needing something to hold onto.

 

Alex released a shaky breath, trying to wrap her head around it all. “Maggie this is…this is so big.” 

 

“I know it is. I just can’t do this anymore Alex. I can’t pretend that I’m getting on with my life as if I could ever go back to how I was before you were in it. You literally changed my life for the better. These past couple of months have been complete hell, I’m not living I’m barely surviving, the only thing giving me hope being I could eventually get over you.” Alex was crying with her. 

 

“I, you’re sure you’ve thought about this?” Alex asked in disbelief. “This isn’t just a quick decision Maggie. How can I be sure you’re not going to change your mind again?”

 

“You’re right, I can’t promise you that. But you can’t also promise me that you could someday potentially change your mind either. Alex, either one of us could die tomorrow, and considering how crazy our lives seem to be that chance is always higher than everyone else. And, I just, life is too short. You mean the world to me Alex. I love you-” Alex reached over and kissed her, it was pure desperation, Maggie moaning into the kiss at the feel of having Alex against her again. It was messy, there were too many tears, but through it all she could feel Alex’s smile against her own. 

 

“I love you so much. You’re literally the best thing that happened to me.” Maggie put her head to Alex’s as she spoke. Part of her felt reckless, they hadn't even properly talked about it and had so much more to talk about. But a bigger part of her knew that it would be okay, they were going to be okay. 

 

“I love you.” Alex whispered back, wiping her eyes and brushing the hair back from her face. Jax then found it the appropriate moment to bark wanting to go outside.

 

“Down boy.” Maggie grumbled as Jax bounced off the couch, looking at them expectantly. 

 

“We have a lot of talking to do still.” Alex said sternly, wiping her eyes properly as Maggie got up to put Jax’s lead on. “And I really mean talk about this.”

 

“I know, and we will. We’re going to get through this.” Maggie sat back down, pulling Alex into her side, kissing her forehead. She felt whole again, for the first time in a long time. 

 

Alex reached up and kissed her again, this time more firmly with clear intentions. She pulled Maggie down with her, hands going to her neck. Maggie bit her lip, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from Alex that made her head spin. 

 

Jax barked again, bouncing up and down in his spot. They both grumbled as Maggie got up hesitantly, grabbing her keys. 

 

“I’ll be back in a second.” Truthfully Maggie was thankful, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stop if Jax wasn’t so incessant. 

 

“I’m counting on it.” Alex smirked, god she loved her. 

 

* * *

They talked until it was 3am and conversation had run dry, exhausting every possibility and outcome, every risk they were getting themselves into again. They also found it impossible to keep their hands off one another for the hours that they talked. Maggie carried Alex to the bed, lips trembling as she traced a line down Alex’s throat and jaw, pulling apart her flannel with a type of urgency she hadn’t experienced in what felt like a lifetime. 

 

“Maggie,” Alex gasped, tears running down her face, the sight making Maggie want to cry. “I’m so sorry,” Alex felt guilty, Maggie could tell how scared she was terrified of losing the one person other than Kara that meant the most to her. 

 

“I’ve got you. I’m not leaving, ever.” Maggie sat up, straddling Alex with her head in her hands. Alex nodded, bottom lip still trembling. She truly looked like a lost puppy when she cried, it made Maggie both upset and overprotective, wanting to cuddle away the tears. 

 

“I’m so sorry.” Alex repeated, shaking her head and trying to look away. 

  
“Baby,” Maggie sighed, it was too much. There were too many emotions running around her brain, unable to stick with one for longer than what felt like 10 seconds. “I love you so much. We’re okay, I promise.” Maggie vowed, gently pressing forward so their noses touched. 

 

“I need you.” Alex whispered, hands running from her neck down her spine and to her sides, warmth spreading across Maggie at the words. 

 

“I’ve got you.” Maggie kissed lightly behind her ear, nails scratching just above the waistband of Alex’s pants. She was breathing heavily, a sign she was already far gone.

 

Maggie quickly removed her shirt, already shimmying Alex’s jeans down her legs in a desperate attempt to be close to her faster. It was messy, eventually she started laughing at how Alex’s jeans got stuck around her ankle, Alex sitting up then and giggling through her tears. 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever made someone laugh and cry at the same time.” Maggie admitted, Alex throwing her head back down with a laugh. 

 

“I’m sorry I have too many feelings circling in my brain right now,” She pulled Maggie back down beside her, stroking a hand through her hair. 

 

“I know, me too.” Maggie smiled kissing her sweetly. Alex started fidgeting, she pulled back to look at her confused. 

 

“My foot is still stuck. I hate these god damn pants.” Alex groaned, finally pulling them off and throwing them across the room. Alex sat up and pulled her shirt off, bra following closely behind before lying back down beside Maggie. 

  
Maggie bit her lip, she was so _so_ beautiful, her chest ached at how much she loved the woman in front of her. “I love you.” Maggie took a minute to truly appreciate Alex, hands holding Alex close and leaning her head to Alex’s. 

 

“You too.” Alex smiled, wiping her eyes again.

 

Maggie couldn’t hold back any further from touching her, wrapping Alex’s legs around her hips and kissing her fiercely. Finally for the first time in months she felt like she was home. 

 

* * *

  
Maggie woke the next morning to a body pressed into hers, legs and arms wrapped around her middle under the covers. Turning her head, Alex was blissfully asleep. Maggie smiled taking in the sight, she looked content. Jax was in between her legs asleep on his back.

 

It was almost as if the past couple of months had been an awful dream, and she was finally waking up again. Maggie’s chest warmed at how domestic it all felt, wanting to live in it forever. 

 

She closed her eyes again, realising how ridiculously exhausted she had been, finally feeling like she could sleep properly again. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is sapphicmeg xox


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